Tumblr Prompts
by nonbinaryunicorns
Summary: These will all just be random one offs inspired by Tumblr. Some may make absolutely no sense, but if I want to write it, it's going here. Expect many characters, and many pairings. Some chapters may be very long, but most will probably be super short. Please don't take these seriously, 99% of these will probably just be to make me/someone else laugh.
1. Why Am I Not A Banana?

It was about three in the morning, and the party to celebrate Gryffindor's win over Slytherin in the last Quidditch match had just died down.

So, naturally, the sixth year Gryffindor boys' dorm was completely silent, the four boys all passed out in a drunken slumber.

Or so any passersby would think. In reality, they were all laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, almost asleep nonetheless.

And then Sirius Black was struck by a thought that he _absolutely had to share with his best three mates_. After all, it was positively groundbreaking to him.

"Why am I not a banana?"

James and Peter groaned, but Remus just waved his hand in the air, sleepily mumbling.

"Because your genetic code dictates that you are human. However, it should please you to know that you share fifty to sixty percent of your DNA with a banana."

Sirius nodded solemnly, closing his eyes and immediately falling asleep. James yawned, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in his arms, his voice muffled by his robes.

"Thanks man."

They all fell asleep, only for Peter to shoot up, his eyes wide.

"ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE TEN PERCENT MORE BANANA THAN OTHER PEOPLE?!"

The other three woke up again, and thus the heated debate about which of them was more banana than the other started.

When McGonagall asked why they were late to her class the next day, none of them could even come up with an excuse, instead sitting down, still thinking of bananas.


	2. I Tried To Punch Him, Now We're Dating

Draco and Harry were sat down at lunch in Hogsmeade at the Three Broomsticks with Neville and Hermione, Harry having forced Draco to come along so he could properly reintroduce him to his friends. Ron was in detention, not that he had wanted to come anyway. In fact, Harry was quite sure that he had actually finished his week of detentions with Snape the previous day, but Ron had gone down to the dungeons anyway while the other four left the castle.

Neville was quietly staring at Harry and Draco, slowly drinking his mug of Butterbeer as Hermione happily chatted with them.

"I have a question."

They looked at him, and Harry nodded. "What is it, Neville?"

Neville continued to stare at them, his eyes tracing over Draco's arm, which was casually draped around Harry's shoulders.

"How did you two even get together? Like, how the fuck did that even start, because one day you hated each other, and then you came into breakfast together holding hands the next day. What did I miss?"

Harry and Draco looked at each other, and Harry cleared his throat. "Funny story that, actually. You see, we were fighting one day..."

 _ **§§§§§§**_

 _ **"At least I don't have a father stupid enough to land himself in Azkaban for fighting a bunch of fourteen and fifteen year olds under the command of some bald noseless guy!"**_

 _ **Draco turned red, half ready to shove Harry into the Black Lake that they were arguing next to. "At least my father brought his wand to that fight instead of forgetting it and getting himself and his wife killed!"**_

 _ **"At least my father didn't fight people half his age!" Harry stepped forward, pushing Draco back.**_

 _ **Draco growled, shoving Harry back into the grass, Harry's wand falling out of his pocket. "At least I have a father!"**_

 _ **Harry immediately scrambled to his feet, drawing his fist back and swinging it at Draco's face. But Draco had learnt since third year when Hermione Granger's fist had met his nose.**_

 _ **He raised his hand, catching Harry's fist and staring him down. Harry's mouth just dropped open, and he stared at Draco in awe.**_

 _ **"**_ **Bro** _ **..." he whispered, and Draco immediately burst into laughter, dropping Harry's fist and doubling over, the other boy still looking amazed.**_

 _ **"No, don't laugh, show me how to do that!"**_

 _ **§§§§§§**_

"...and that's pretty much it," Harry concluded, and Neville shook his head. Hermione, however, had heard the story about eight times already, and wasn't paying attention, instead drawing shapes on the frosted over window.

"You tried to punch him and he caught your fist."

Draco nodded, setting his now empty mug of Butterbeer down. "And now we're dating. That's pretty much it."

Neville shook his head, not sure if they were lying to him or not. Hermione looked at him, raising her eyebrows.

"Don't push it, if you do, they'll just tell you that catching someone's fist when they try to punch you is all a part of the gay agenda. Just go with it. It's probably true, they're mental enough."

"Hey!"


End file.
